Exceprts from the diary of a guy II

Excerpts from the diary of a guy

PART 1

part 2

2nd november 2007

a week left to diwali

i went to a diwali mela....was having the time of my life until she arrived

and again.....the same thing....i couldn't speak.....walk.....move.....anything.

i took control over myself somehow and said hi.....she smiled(WOW!!)....and said "Heyy!!....How Are you ?.."

she looked so brilliantly beautiful.....like God's finest creation.....She was with her own group of friends...

I felt out of place.....totally.....I didn't know what was i doing there standing and acting like a complete asshole....Shit......i was so embarassed....There are times when you wish you could just disappear.....when you wish the stories of those dragons should come true and one of them should come.....blow its fire.....and swallow you in 1 go....

But again i took some control over myself and replied in the strangest of strange ways out there.....

Anyways....i don't want to go back there.....not in that memory....no i don't....i wish i had never gone.....

why the fuck do i love her so much....when i know i'm not worth her at all.....when i know i don't deserve her at all.....when i know its not meant to be......

i don't have any answer.....and even God won't give me a straight answer...

There's just one thing i know for now...

I love her more than words can say.....She's my everything by far....

I don't care what happens......how many times i make a fool of myself....i love her....i accept this fact.....and since i know nothing can happen in this direction.....i won't do anything about it.....i'll just look at her.....admire her......write a thousand lines on that impeccable beauty ....but from a distance....

You see how confusing this damn thing is...

Jumping from 1 conclusion to another.....talking about everything and anything.....day dreaming 24 x 7......99% pain......1% pleasure.....and the fact that how much we love to experience and tolerate this sweet pain is unimaginable.....how we manage to keep things to ourselves...how we ignore everyone and everything else and think about only that 1 person.......that 1 person for whom we are ready to give up everything....for whom we can do almost anything.....that 1 person....that 1 four letter world called Love.....